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英语笑话带翻译

A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned." "You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?" "Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."

　　一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开品说话，他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治，但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了：“妈妈，面包烤焦了。” “你说话了!你说话了!”他母亲叫了起来。“我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?” “哦，在这之前，”那男孩说，“一切都很正常。”

　　简短英语小笑话带翻译二：

　　Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily. One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store. "How much are the apples?" he asked the store. "Six for five cents." "But I don't want six apples." "How many apples do you want?" "It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic." "What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man. "Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you." Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.

　　比尔是一个好学生，也是个聪明的孩子。他喜欢学数学，课本上所有的数学问题他都能不费劲地解答。 有一天，在上学路上，比尔经过一家水果店。该店窗户上有个招牌上写着：“苹果--五美分六个。”比尔脑筋一转，进了店门。 “苹果怎么卖?” “五美分六个。” “但我不想要六个。” “你想要几个?” “这不是我想要几个的问题。这是个数学问题。” “数学问题?你说这话是什么意思?” “你看，如果六个苹果五美分，那么五个苹果四美分，四个苹果三美分，三个苹果二美分，二个苹果一美分，一个苹果就不要钱。我只要一个苹果，如果一个苹果一分钱也不要的话，那我也就没必要给你钱了。” 比尔拣了一个好苹果，开始吃了起来，然后兴高采烈地迈出了店门。那个售货员吃惊地望着这个小男孩，一句话也说不出来。

　　简短英语小笑话带翻译三：

　　Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, "This boy's going to be famous when he's little older, and then we're going to sell these pictures for a lot more money." Jimmy's pictures were different from other people's because he never painted on all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty. "That's very clever," everyone said, "Nobody else does that!" One day somebody bought one of Jimmy's pictures and then said to him, "Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?" "Because I'm small," Jimmy said, "and my burshes don't reach very high."

　　吉米三岁开始画画，五岁时已经画得很好了。他画了很多美丽而有趣的画，人们出高价购买。他们说，“这个孩子长大一点肯定会出名，我们可以靠这些画大赚一笔。” 吉米的`画与众不同。因为他从来不在整张纸上作画。他只画一半的纸，而另一半他总空着。 “构思多么巧妙啊!”大家都说，“从来没有人这么做过。” 有一天，一个人买了吉米的画，然后问他：“请告诉我，吉米，你为什么总是在纸的下半部分画画，而不是在纸的上半部分?” 吉米说，“因为我个头小，够不着上面。”

超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇1

　　In the veterinary office where I’m a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes , in fact that’s why we' re here，”she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.

　　我是一家兽医站的技师。当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候，我们就寄出提醒信。一条德国牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。依照州立法律的要求，我们问他的主人，在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。“噢，是的，实际上这也是我们到这里来的原因。”她回答说。我觉得奇怪，告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了提醒信才来的。

　　"We did,” she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.”

　　“的确如此，”她解释说。“布鲁诺咬了你们送提醒信的邮递员。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇2

　　ohn is not a "good" student. He always sleeps in the class. Today he sleeps again.

　　约翰并不是个“好”学生。他总是在上课的时候睡觉。今天他又睡着了。

　　“John!” Teacher says angrily.

　　“约翰!”老师生气地喊他。

　　“What? What’s wrong?” John is awaken.

　　“什么?出什么事了?”约翰醒了。

　　“Why do you make a face? It’s classroom. Look! Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says.

　　“你为什么要做鬼脸?这是教室!看看!同学们都在笑!”老师生气地说。

　　“No one is laughing.” Other students whisper.

　　“没有人在笑呀。”其他同学小声地嘀咕。

　　“No, it’s not me. I was not making a face. I was sleeping.” John fells upset.

　　“不，不是我。我没有做鬼脸。刚才我睡着了。”约翰感到不安。

　　“Um. Not bad. You can admit your fault. You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfiedwith it.

　　“嗯，还不错。你承认自己的错误，还是个好孩子。”老师为此感到满意。

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇3

　　"This house,”said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad point. To show you I' m honest, I'm going to tell yon about the disadvantages一there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north.”

　　“这幢房子，”房地产推销商说，“既有优点也有缺点。为了说明我是诚实的，我将告诉你们它的缺点是—在南面隔一个街区的地方有一家化工厂，在北面隔一个街区的地方有一家屠宰场。”

　　"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

　　“那么长处呢?”欲购房的人问道。

　　"The good thing about it,” said the a-gent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”

　　“它的好处，”代理人说道，“就是，你总能分辨风是从哪边吹过来的。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇4

　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

　　"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

　　"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

　　一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”

　　医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”

　　听到医生的.话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”

　　妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇5

　　I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges， and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"

　　我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了，有一天我接到一位客户的电话，她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是：打印机不能打出来黄色，但是其它颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷，因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装，但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们，他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉，我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们，这时候她平静地说了一句：“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇6

　　One Point

　　Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year －"62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.

　　One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"

　　一分之差

　　位于印第安那州瓦巴西的怀兹中学，其门厅里悬挂着过去四十年间样篮球队的照片。每幅照片前排中间的队员举着一个篮球，上面标明年份－“62-63”，“63-64”，“64-65”等等。

　　一天，我看到一个新生很困惑地看着照片。他朝我转过身来，说道：“多奇怪呀，这些队都是以一分之差输掉的！"

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇7

　　An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman: "How much this stuff?"

　　一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。 她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？”

　　"Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap." The lady said, "It is too much, give it to me for fourteen." "I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven."

　　“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。” 店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”

　　"It is still too much," replied the old lady, "give it to me for five."

　　“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇8

　　昂贵的代价

　　Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

　　Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

　　Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

　　牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

　　母亲：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?

　　牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

　　我没有睡着

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”

　　“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

　　“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

　　可怜的丈夫

　　"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

　　“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”

　　谁更有礼貌?

　　A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

　　一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。

　　律师、宝马和胳膊

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。

　　“警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!”律师哀怨地说。

　　“你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!”警察反驳说，“你这么关心你可恶的宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。”

　　律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?”

　　狗住旅店

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”

　　旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇9

　　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

　　小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。

　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

　　她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？”

　　A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

　　一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”

　　Tips: bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。

How to Become Rich 如何致富

　　Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.

　　Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.

　　Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.

　　弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。

　　姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。

　　弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。

　　But the teacher cried 可是老师哭了

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

　　Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

　　Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

　　六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。

　　约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?

　　哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
 

　　他的耳朵在我衣兜里

　　Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

　　"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

　　"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

　　"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

　　伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?”

　　“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

　　“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

　　“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

　　醉酒 Drunk

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

　　"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

　　Stupid Question

　　Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

　　After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

　　“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

　　But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

　　愚蠢的问题

　　丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”

　　几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。

　　“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。

　　可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”

　　Intelligent son 聪明的儿子

　　One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

　　"Certainly"

　　"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

　　"Then why you didn't take it back?"

　　"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

　　有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

　　儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”

　　“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”

　　“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”

　　Sharing the Apples 分苹果

　　Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.

　　So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.

　　Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.

　　Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?

　　妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。

　　所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。

　　哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。

　　对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗?还着什么急呀?

　　我希望您的面包病好了

　　I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."

　　我在做面包，需要把面团放在一个暖和点的地方使它发起来。我把面盆放在电热褥里，后来就出去干别的活去了。等我回家时，发现儿子留下一张纸条，上面写着：“亲爱的妈妈，我希望您的面包已经病好了。”

　　A Present 凯特的礼物

　　Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

　　Mom: No, Honey, what?

　　Kate: A nice teapot.

　　Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.

　　Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

　　凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?

　　妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀?

　　凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。

　　妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。

　　凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。

　　Two Birds 两只鸟

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?

　　学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

　　老师：请说说看。

　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇1

　　In the veterinary office where I’m a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes , in fact that’s why we' re here，”she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.

　　我是一家兽医站的技师。当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候，我们就寄出提醒信。一条德国牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。依照州立法律的要求，我们问他的主人，在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。“噢，是的，实际上这也是我们到这里来的原因。”她回答说。我觉得奇怪，告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了提醒信才来的。

　　"We did,” she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.”

　　“的确如此，”她解释说。“布鲁诺咬了你们送提醒信的邮递员。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇2

　　ohn is not a "good" student. He always sleeps in the class. Today he sleeps again.

　　约翰并不是个“好”学生。他总是在上课的时候睡觉。今天他又睡着了。

　　“John!” Teacher says angrily.

　　“约翰!”老师生气地喊他。

　　“What? What’s wrong?” John is awaken.

　　“什么?出什么事了?”约翰醒了。

　　“Why do you make a face? It’s classroom. Look! Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says.

　　“你为什么要做鬼脸?这是教室!看看!同学们都在笑!”老师生气地说。

　　“No one is laughing.” Other students whisper.

　　“没有人在笑呀。”其他同学小声地嘀咕。

　　“No, it’s not me. I was not making a face. I was sleeping.” John fells upset.

　　“不，不是我。我没有做鬼脸。刚才我睡着了。”约翰感到不安。

　　“Um. Not bad. You can admit your fault. You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfiedwith it.

　　“嗯，还不错。你承认自己的错误，还是个好孩子。”老师为此感到满意。

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇3

　　"This house,”said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad point. To show you I' m honest, I'm going to tell yon about the disadvantages一there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north.”

　　“这幢房子，”房地产推销商说，“既有优点也有缺点。为了说明我是诚实的，我将告诉你们它的缺点是—在南面隔一个街区的地方有一家化工厂，在北面隔一个街区的地方有一家屠宰场。”

　　"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

　　“那么长处呢?”欲购房的人问道。

　　"The good thing about it,” said the a-gent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”

　　“它的好处，”代理人说道，“就是，你总能分辨风是从哪边吹过来的。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇4

　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

　　"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

　　"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

　　一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”

　　医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”

　　听到医生的.话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”

　　妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇5

　　I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges， and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"

　　我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了，有一天我接到一位客户的电话，她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是：打印机不能打出来黄色，但是其它颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷，因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装，但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们，他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉，我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们，这时候她平静地说了一句：“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇6

　　One Point

　　Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year －"62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.

　　One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"

　　一分之差

　　位于印第安那州瓦巴西的怀兹中学，其门厅里悬挂着过去四十年间样篮球队的照片。每幅照片前排中间的队员举着一个篮球，上面标明年份－“62-63”，“63-64”，“64-65”等等。

　　一天，我看到一个新生很困惑地看着照片。他朝我转过身来，说道：“多奇怪呀，这些队都是以一分之差输掉的！"

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇7

　　An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman: "How much this stuff?"

　　一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。 她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？”

　　"Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap." The lady said, "It is too much, give it to me for fourteen." "I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven."

　　“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。” 店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”

　　"It is still too much," replied the old lady, "give it to me for five."

　　“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇8

　　昂贵的代价

　　Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

　　Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

　　Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

　　牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

　　母亲：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?

　　牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

　　我没有睡着

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”

　　“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

　　“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

　　可怜的丈夫

　　"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

　　“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”

　　谁更有礼貌?

　　A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

　　一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。

　　律师、宝马和胳膊

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。

　　“警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!”律师哀怨地说。

　　“你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!”警察反驳说，“你这么关心你可恶的宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。”

　　律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?”

　　狗住旅店

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”

　　旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇9

　　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

　　小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。

　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

　　她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？”

　　A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

　　一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”

　　Tips: bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。

Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.

　　Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.

　　Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.

　　弟弟：我看见你亲我姐姐了，如果你不给我五分钱，我就告诉我爸。

　　姐姐的男朋友：不要那样做。给你五分钱。

　　弟弟：我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。

　　But the teacher cried 可是老师哭了

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

　　Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

　　Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!

　　六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。

　　约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?

　　哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
 

　　他的耳朵在我衣兜里

　　Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

　　"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

　　"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

　　"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

　　伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?”

　　“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

　　“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

　　“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

　　醉酒 Drunk

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

　　"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

　　Stupid Question

　　Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

　　After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

　　“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

　　But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

　　愚蠢的问题

　　丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”

　　几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。

　　“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。

　　可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”

　　Intelligent son 聪明的儿子

　　One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

　　After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

　　"Certainly"

　　"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

　　"Then why you didn't take it back?"

　　"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

　　有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

　　儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”

　　“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”

　　“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”

　　Sharing the Apples 分苹果

　　Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.

　　So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.

　　Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.

　　Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?

　　妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。

　　所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。

　　哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。

　　对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗?还着什么急呀?

　　我希望您的面包病好了

　　I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."

　　我在做面包，需要把面团放在一个暖和点的地方使它发起来。我把面盆放在电热褥里，后来就出去干别的活去了。等我回家时，发现儿子留下一张纸条，上面写着：“亲爱的妈妈，我希望您的面包已经病好了。”

　　A Present 凯特的礼物

　　Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

　　Mom: No, Honey, what?

　　Kate: A nice teapot.

　　Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.

　　Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

　　凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?

　　妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀?

　　凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。

　　妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。

　　凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。

　　Two Birds 两只鸟

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?

　　学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

　　老师：请说说看。

　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇1

　　In the veterinary office where I’m a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes , in fact that’s why we' re here，”she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.

　　我是一家兽医站的技师。当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候，我们就寄出提醒信。一条德国牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。依照州立法律的要求，我们问他的主人，在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。“噢，是的，实际上这也是我们到这里来的原因。”她回答说。我觉得奇怪，告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了提醒信才来的。

　　"We did,” she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.”

　　“的确如此，”她解释说。“布鲁诺咬了你们送提醒信的邮递员。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇2

　　ohn is not a "good" student. He always sleeps in the class. Today he sleeps again.

　　约翰并不是个“好”学生。他总是在上课的时候睡觉。今天他又睡着了。

　　“John!” Teacher says angrily.

　　“约翰!”老师生气地喊他。

　　“What? What’s wrong?” John is awaken.

　　“什么?出什么事了?”约翰醒了。

　　“Why do you make a face? It’s classroom. Look! Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says.

　　“你为什么要做鬼脸?这是教室!看看!同学们都在笑!”老师生气地说。

　　“No one is laughing.” Other students whisper.

　　“没有人在笑呀。”其他同学小声地嘀咕。

　　“No, it’s not me. I was not making a face. I was sleeping.” John fells upset.

　　“不，不是我。我没有做鬼脸。刚才我睡着了。”约翰感到不安。

　　“Um. Not bad. You can admit your fault. You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfiedwith it.

　　“嗯，还不错。你承认自己的错误，还是个好孩子。”老师为此感到满意。

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇3

　　"This house,”said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad point. To show you I' m honest, I'm going to tell yon about the disadvantages一there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north.”

　　“这幢房子，”房地产推销商说，“既有优点也有缺点。为了说明我是诚实的，我将告诉你们它的缺点是—在南面隔一个街区的地方有一家化工厂，在北面隔一个街区的地方有一家屠宰场。”

　　"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

　　“那么长处呢?”欲购房的人问道。

　　"The good thing about it,” said the a-gent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”

　　“它的好处，”代理人说道，“就是，你总能分辨风是从哪边吹过来的。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇4

　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

　　"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

　　"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

　　一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”

　　医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”

　　听到医生的.话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”

　　妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇5

　　I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges， and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"

　　我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了，有一天我接到一位客户的电话，她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是：打印机不能打出来黄色，但是其它颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷，因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装，但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们，他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉，我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们，这时候她平静地说了一句：“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇6

　　One Point

　　Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year －"62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.

　　One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"

　　一分之差

　　位于印第安那州瓦巴西的怀兹中学，其门厅里悬挂着过去四十年间样篮球队的照片。每幅照片前排中间的队员举着一个篮球，上面标明年份－“62-63”，“63-64”，“64-65”等等。

　　一天，我看到一个新生很困惑地看着照片。他朝我转过身来，说道：“多奇怪呀，这些队都是以一分之差输掉的！"

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇7

　　An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman: "How much this stuff?"

　　一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。 她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？”

　　"Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap." The lady said, "It is too much, give it to me for fourteen." "I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven."

　　“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。” 店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”

　　"It is still too much," replied the old lady, "give it to me for five."

　　“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇8

　　昂贵的代价

　　Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

　　Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

　　Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

　　牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

　　母亲：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?

　　牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

　　我没有睡着

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”

　　“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

　　“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

　　可怜的丈夫

　　"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

　　“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”

　　谁更有礼貌?

　　A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

　　一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。

　　律师、宝马和胳膊

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。

　　“警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!”律师哀怨地说。

　　“你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!”警察反驳说，“你这么关心你可恶的宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。”

　　律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?”

　　狗住旅店

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”

　　旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单， 餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。

　　超级搞笑英语笑话带翻译 篇9

　　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

　　小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。

　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

　　她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？”

　　A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

　　一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”

　　Tips: bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。

　　A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned." "You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?" "Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."

　　一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开品说话，他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治，但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了：“妈妈，面包烤焦了。” “你说话了!你说话了!”他母亲叫了起来。“我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?” “哦，在这之前，”那男孩说，“一切都很正常。”

　　简短英语小笑话带翻译二：

　　Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily. One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store. "How much are the apples?" he asked the store. "Six for five cents." "But I don't want six apples." "How many apples do you want?" "It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic." "What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man. "Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you." Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.

　　比尔是一个好学生，也是个聪明的孩子。他喜欢学数学，课本上所有的数学问题他都能不费劲地解答。 有一天，在上学路上，比尔经过一家水果店。该店窗户上有个招牌上写着：“苹果--五美分六个。”比尔脑筋一转，进了店门。 “苹果怎么卖?” “五美分六个。” “但我不想要六个。” “你想要几个?” “这不是我想要几个的问题。这是个数学问题。” “数学问题?你说这话是什么意思?” “你看，如果六个苹果五美分，那么五个苹果四美分，四个苹果三美分，三个苹果二美分，二个苹果一美分，一个苹果就不要钱。我只要一个苹果，如果一个苹果一分钱也不要的话，那我也就没必要给你钱了。” 比尔拣了一个好苹果，开始吃了起来，然后兴高采烈地迈出了店门。那个售货员吃惊地望着这个小男孩，一句话也说不出来。

　　简短英语小笑话带翻译三：

　　Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, "This boy's going to be famous when he's little older, and then we're going to sell these pictures for a lot more money." Jimmy's pictures were different from other people's because he never painted on all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty. "That's very clever," everyone said, "Nobody else does that!" One day somebody bought one of Jimmy's pictures and then said to him, "Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?" "Because I'm small," Jimmy said, "and my burshes don't reach very high."

　　吉米三岁开始画画，五岁时已经画得很好了。他画了很多美丽而有趣的画，人们出高价购买。他们说，“这个孩子长大一点肯定会出名，我们可以靠这些画大赚一笔。” 吉米的`画与众不同。因为他从来不在整张纸上作画。他只画一半的纸，而另一半他总空着。 “构思多么巧妙啊!”大家都说，“从来没有人这么做过。” 有一天，一个人买了吉米的画，然后问他：“请告诉我，吉米，你为什么总是在纸的下半部分画画，而不是在纸的上半部分?” 吉米说，“因为我个头小，够不着上面。”

英语小笑话 1

　　A Useful Way 一个有效的方法

　　Father: Jack， why do you drink so much water?

　　Jack: I have just had an apple， Dad。

　　Father: What"s that got to do with it?

　　Jack: I forgot to wash the apple。

　　爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀?

　　杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。

　　爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢?

　　杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。

　　英语小笑话 2

　　Toms excuse 汤姆的借口

　　Teacher: Tom， why are you late for school every day?

　　Tom: Every time I e to the corner， a sign says， School-Go Slow。

　　教师：汤姆，您为什么每一天上学迟到?

　　汤姆：我每次走过拐角，一个路标上头写着：学校----慢行。

　　英语小笑话 3

　　Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents house。 At bedtime， the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers， when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle。 I pray for a new toy。"

　　两个小男孩在祖父母家过夜。睡觉的时候，两个小男孩跪在床边开始祈祷，这时小一些的孩子扯开嗓子大声喊道：“我祈求得到一辆自行车。我祈求有一个新玩具。”

　　His older brother leaned over， nudged him and said， "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isnt deaf。"

　　他的哥哥靠过来，用肘轻碰他说：“你为什么这么大声喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子。”

　　To which the little brother replied， "No， but Grandma is!"

　　弟弟回答说：“是的'，可是奶奶听不到呀！”

　　英语小笑话 4

　　Where is the father?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings。

　　"Look，" said the elder brother。 "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes，" said the younger， "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children。 Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained， "Obviously he was painting the pictures。"

　　父亲在哪儿?

　　兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

　　“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，仅有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”

　　哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”

　　英语小笑话 5

　　Intelligent son

　　One day， the father lets eight year-old son send a letter， the son took the letter ， the father then remembered didnt write the address and addressees name on the envelope。

　　After the son es back， the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

　　"Certainly"

　　"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

　　"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope。"

　　"Then why you didnt take it back?"

　　"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee， is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

　　聪明的儿子

　　有一天，父亲让八岁的'儿子去寄一封信，儿子已经拿着信跑了，父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

　　儿子回来后，父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”

　　“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”

　　“我还以为你不写地址和收信人，是为了不想让我明白你把信寄给谁呢!”

　　英语小笑话 6

　　Dentist: Please stop howling。 I havent even touched your tooth yet。

　　Patient: I know。 But you are standing on my foot!

　　牙医：请不要再叫了，我都还没有挨着你的牙齿啊!

　　病人：可是，亲，你可明白，你踩到我脚了!!!

　　英语小笑话 7

　　Kate: Mom， do you know what Im going to give you for your birthday?

　　Mom: No， Honey， what?

　　Kate: A nice teapot。

　　Mom: But Ive got a nice teapot。

　　Kate: No， you havent。 Ive just dropped it。

　　凯特：妈妈，你明白我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?

　　妈妈：不明白，宝贝，是什么呀?

　　凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。

　　妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。

　　凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。

　　英语小笑话 8

　　Does the dog know the proverb， too?

　　The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog。

　　"Its all right，" said a gentleman， "dont be afraid。 Dont you know the proverb: Barking dogs dont bite?"

　　"Ah， yes，" answered the little boy。 "I know the proverb， but does the dog know the proverb， too?"

　　狗也明白这个谚语吗?

　　一个小男孩十分不喜欢狗狂叫的样貌。

　　“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你明白这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

　　“啊，我是明白，可是狗也明白吗?”

　　英语小笑话 9

　　Dentist: Im sorry， madam， but Ill have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your sons tooth。

　　Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction。

　　Dentist: I usually do。 But your son yelled so loud， he scared four other patients out of the office。

　　昂贵的代价

　　牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

　　母亲：二十五美元!可是我明白您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀?

　　牙科医生：是的.。可是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

　　英语小笑话 10

　　A professor was giving a big test one day to his students。 He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait。

　　Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in。 The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point。"

　　The next class the professor handed the tests back out。 This student got back his test and $64 change。

　　一天，教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。

　　考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”

　　第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。

　　英语小笑话 11

　　"Tom, whats the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "Hes crying."

　　"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "Im eating my cake. He is crying because I wont give him any."

　　"But has he finished his own cake?"

　　"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

　　"汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。"

　　"没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的`蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。"

　　"他已经吃完自己的了么？"

　　"是的。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。"

　　英语小笑话 12

　　A woman who frequently visited a small antique shop rarely purchased anything，but always found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the womans grumpy complaints in stride，but one day she went too far. "Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?”demanded the woman.

　　一名妇女经常光顾一家小古董店，但几乎从不买什么东西，却总是对商品和价格吹毛求疵。对于那妇女的'粗暴袍怨，经理和她的销售员总是应付了事，但是有一天她做得太过分了。“为什么你们店里总是不能得到我想要的东西?”那名妇女指责说。

　　A smile on her face，the clerk calmly replied，“Perhaps its because we’re too polite.”

　　职员脸上带着微笑，沉着地回答道:“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了。”

　　英语小笑话 13

　　井中的开水是到开水房供应的。一天阿纲去到那里打水，却不小心被滚烫的开水的溅到了，痛得他咬牙切齿。突然，他背后黑川花问：“泽田，是不是很烫?”

　　The boiling water in the well is supplied to the boiling water room. One day, Agang went there to fetch water, but accidentally got splashed with boiling hot water, causing him to grit his teeth in pain. Suddenly, Kurokawa Flower behind him asked, "Zeda, is it very hot?"

　　泽田正要惨叫出声，突然看到黑川花身后的`京子，为了保持形象，立刻改口道：“一点都不烫!”

　　Zetian was about to scream when he suddenly saw Keiko behind Kurokawa. In order to maintain his image, he immediately changed his tone and said, "Its not hot at all!"

　　黑川花听后转回头便对京子说：“真讨厌，今天的水又没开!!”

　　After hearing this, Kurokawa Flower turned around and said to Kyoko, "I really hate it. The water hasnt opened again today!"

　　英语小笑话 14

　　家光难得回家一次，决定过问一下儿子的成绩，于是他搞来了一个测谎器，见阿纲一回家便问道：“今天的测验成绩怎么样?”

　　Jiaguang rarely went home once, so he decided to inquire about his sons grades. So, he bought a lie detector and saw A Gang come home and asked, "How were your test results today?"

　　阿纲回答：“100分。”

　　A Gang replied, "100 points."

　　测谎器“嘀——”地响起来。

　　The lie detector beeped.

　　阿纲忙改口：“60分。”测谎器又“嘀——”起来。

　　A Gang quickly changed his tone and said, "60 points." The lie detector beeped again.

　　阿纲只好老实交代：“只得了17分。”

　　Ah Gang could only honestly explain, "I only got 17 points."

　　家光摆出威严说：“我像你这么大的'时候，每次考试成绩全都是100分!!”

　　Jiaguang put on a majestic expression and said, "When I was your age, I always scored 100 points on every exam!"

　　这时测谎器突然大叫一声，翻倒在地。

　　At this moment, the lie detector suddenly let out a loud cry and fell to the ground.

　　英语小笑话 15

　　儿子：“爸爸，你告诉我的都是对的吗?”

　　Son: "Dad, are everything you told me right?"

　　爸爸：“当然，你要相信爸爸。”

　　Dad: "Of course, you have to trust Dad."

　　儿子：“那为什么老师告诉我，要相信自己?”

　　Son: "Why did the teacher tell me to believe in myself?"

　　英语小笑话 16

　　女儿六岁上小学，每天都是老公接送。一天，老公送女儿时感慨地说：“爸爸很辛苦的，把你送到了学校，还要买早餐回去给你妈妈吃。”

　　My daughter attends elementary school at the age of six and is picked up and dropped off by her husband every day. One day, when my husband was giving his daughter a gift, he sighed and said, "Dad worked very hard. He sent you to school and also bought breakfast for your mother to eat."

　　女儿不以为然：“灰太狼就是这样的啊!它比你可怜多了，回去了还要挨打。”

　　My daughter disapproved and said, "Grey Wolf is like this! Its much more pitiful than you, and youll get beaten even when you go back."

　　英语小笑话 17

　　一80后夫妻有了一个可爱的.小宝宝，丈夫看到老婆每天都很用心的教导孩子叫“爸爸”。

　　A couple born in the 1980s have a lovely little baby, and the husband sees his wife teaching the child to be "dad" every day with great care.

　　大受感动，认为太太真好，先教孩子叫爸爸，而不是先叫妈妈，觉得真幸福。

　　I was deeply moved and thought that my wife was really kind. I taught my child to call her dad first, instead of calling her mom first. I felt really happy.

　　在一个寒冬深夜，孩子哭闹不休一直叫爸爸。

　　On a cold winter night, the child cried and kept calling out to their father.

　　此时夫妻俩睡的正香，妻子推了推老公说：你儿子一直在叫你，你快去。

　　At this moment, the husband and wife were sleeping soundly. The wife pushed her husband and said, "Your son has been calling you, go quickly.".

　　这时丈夫才明白“原来如此”。

　　At this moment, the husband realized that it was so.

　　英语小笑话 18

　　“爸爸，美术期末考试我没有及格！”

　　"Dad, I didnt pass the final art exam!"

　　“为什么啊！”

　　"Why?"

　　“老师让画一群鱼，全班同学画的都是在水里游的'鱼，只有我画的是铁板鱿鱼。”我瞬间泪崩！

　　"The teacher asked me to draw a group of fish. The whole class was drawing fish swimming in the water, and only I was drawing squid on an iron plate." My tears burst in an instant!

　　英语小笑话 19

　　儿子上小学时数学学得还可以，但是自打上了初中，每次数学成绩都不理想。

　　My son was good at math when he was in elementary school, but since entering junior high school, his math grades have never been ideal.

　　这一天，他拿一张不及格的试卷回家，我一看，心里恼火，便拽他过来问：“臭小子，你怎么会考这么差？初中数学多简单啊，跟小学的没啥区别呀，你怎么就做不对？”

　　One day, he brought a failed exam paper home. When I saw it, I felt angry and pulled him over to ask, "Stinky kid, why did you do so poorly? Junior high school mathematics is so simple, its no different from elementary school. Why did you just do it wrong?"

　　“谁说没区别！”儿子不服气地嘟囔：“你没看每道题都把‘小明、小红、小强、小刚’换成‘甲乙丙丁’了，我瞅着面生。”

　　"Who said theres no difference!" My son grumbled defiantly, "You replaced Xiaoming, Xiaohong, Xiaoqiang, and Xiaogang with A, B, C, and D for every question you didnt read. I looked at Mian Sheng."

　　英语小笑话 20

　　一天，年轻人看见老大爷在河对岸农田里种着什么，大声喊“您在种什么呢？”

　　One day, a young man saw the old man planting something in the farmland across the river and shouted loudly, "What are you planting?"

　　老大爷沉默了一会儿说：“你游过河来，我告诉你！”

　　The old man remained silent for a moment and said, "You swim across the river, Ill tell you!"

　　年轻人游了过去，老大爷在他耳边低声说道：“我在种豌豆呢。”

　　The young man swam over and the old man whispered in his ear, "Im planting peas."

　　“那为什么您非得让我游过河呢？”

　　"Why do you have to let me swim across the river?"

　　“那样麻雀会听见，会把豌豆都吃光的！”

　　"That way, sparrows will hear and eat all the peas!"

　　英语小笑话 21

　　"同学们，你们知道为什么麻雀站在高压电线上却不被电到吗？"

　　"Classmates, do you know why sparrows stand on high-voltage wires but are not electrified?"

　　突然，一男同学大叫:"老师我知道了！"

　　Suddenly, a male classmate shouted, "Teacher, I know!"

　　他很自信地说:"因为....因为停电了！"

　　He confidently said, "Because... because there was a power outage!"

　　英语小笑话 22

　　一个姑娘

　　A girl

　　公园里，我观察她很久了，她一个人默默坐在那里兀自喝着啤酒，眼睛红红的好像有心事的`样子。一瞬间各种疑问在我脑海一闪而过，关于这个谜一样的漂亮女人。眼看她将长凳上第三罐啤酒饮尽，环顾四周，还有不少搭讪伺机而动，不能再犹豫了。

　　In the park, I have been observing her for a long time. She sat silently there drinking beer, her eyes red as if she had something on her mind. In an instant, various questions flashed through my mind about this mysterious and beautiful woman. As she finished drinking the third can of beer on the bench and looked around, there were still many opportunities for conversation, so she couldnt hesitate anymore.

　　我鼓足勇气抢先凑上前，关切地问：:"姑娘，你这罐子还要吗？"

　　I mustered up the courage to approach first and asked with concern, "Girl, do you still want this jar?"

　　英语小笑话 23

　　老鼠和猫相遇，老鼠颤抖地对猫说：我是不是该安静地走开？

　　The mouse and the cat met, and the mouse trembled and said to the cat, "Should I walk away quietly?"?

　　猫微笑着说：你知道我在等你吗？

　　The cat smiled and said, "Do you know Im waiting for you?"?

　　老鼠哭喊：为什么受伤的总是我！

　　The mouse cried: Why is it always me who gets hurt!

　　猫大笑：因为牵挂你的人是我。

　　Cat laughed: Because I am the one who cares about you.

　　英语小笑话 24

　　一对夫妻去看新买的房子。一开门，一只老鼠从眼前跑过。男人迅速关上门，拿起笤帚追打：“我花了几十万元还没住，你倒先住上了，饶不了你！”老鼠被打得快要咽气时，男人却开门将其放走。妻子不解，男人答：“让它回去给其他老鼠捎个口信，咱这家人不好惹，以后别来骚扰！”

　　A couple went to see their newly purchased house. As soon as the door opened, a mouse ran past. The man quickly closed the door, picked up a broom, and chased after the mouse, saying, "I spent hundreds of thousands of yuan but havent lived yet. Youll have to live first, I cant spare you!" When the mouse was about to die from the beating, the man opened the door and let it go. The wife was puzzled, and the man replied, "Let it go back and take a message for the other mice. Our family is not easy to mess with, so dont come harassing us in the future!"

　　英语小笑话 25

　　形影相随

　　Accompanied by shadow and shadow

　　一位学者在新婚燕尔之际，仍然手不释卷地读书。妻子忿忿地埋怨道：但愿我也能变成一本书。

　　A scholar, on the occasion of his newlywed Yan Er, still couldnt help but read books. My wife angrily buried her resentment and said, "I hope I can also become a book.".

　　学者疑惑不解地问：为什么？

　　The scholar asked in confusion: Why?

　　只有这样，你才会整日整夜地把我捧在手上。妻子说。

　　Only in this way will you hold me in your hands all day and all night. My wife said.

　　看到新婚妻子满腹怒气，学者说：那可不行---要知道，我每看完一本书就要换新的......

　　Seeing my newlywed wife full of anger, the scholar said, "Thats not possible - you know, every time I finish reading a book, I have to switch to a new one..."

　　英语小笑话 26

　　自食其果

　　Eating the fruits of oneself

　　一位出身宫家的妻子常在丈夫面前夸耀，说这样东西是她带来的'，那样东西也是她带来的，使她的丈夫不胜其烦。

　　A wife from the palace family often boasted in front of her husband, saying that she brought these things, and that she also brought those things, which annoyed her husband.

　　一天晚上，这位妻子听到外面有响声，便摇醒丈夫，说：快去看看，恐怕是有贼了！

　　One night, the wife heard a noise outside and shook her husband up, saying, "Go and take a look, Im afraid theres a thief!"!

　　丈夫说：那与我有什么关系？厅里的东西全是你带来的啊！

　　My husband said, "What does that have to do with me?"? You brought all the things in the hall!

　　英语小笑话 27

　　要求完美

　　Require perfection

　　一对夫妻看着刚贴好的`壁纸，丈夫不太满意，而妻子却无所谓。为此，丈夫很恼火，对妻子说：“我们的分歧，就在于我是个要求完美的人，而你却不是。"

　　A couple looked at the newly pasted wallpaper, and the husband was not very satisfied, while the wife was indifferent. For this, the husband was very angry and said to his wife, "Our difference is that I am someone who demands perfection, while you are not."“

　　“说得对极了。这就是为什么你娶了我，而我嫁给你。”

　　"Youre absolutely right. Thats why you married me and I married you."

　　英语小笑话 28

　　忘心真大

　　Forgetting the heart is really big

　　老婆：老公，上班路上小心！

　　Wife: Husband, be careful on the way to work!

　　老公：啊！我忘了带公文包……

　　Husband: Ah! I forgot to bring my briefcase

　　老婆：我帮你拿。

　　Wife: Ill help you with it.

　　老公：还有外套……

　　Husband: And a coat

　　老婆：还有那些事忘了呢？

　　Wife: What else have you forgotten?

　　老公：对喔！我忘了昨天我被辞退了！

　　Husband: Thats right! I forgot that I was fired yesterday!

　　英语小笑话 29

　　那个男人真奇怪

　　That man is really strange

　　在一个宴会中，两个太太在密谈。

　　At a banquet, two wives were having a secret conversation.

　　"站在窗边的那个男人真奇怪，"一位太太说，"你还没有来的`时候，他尽是朝我看，现在却一眼都不瞧我了。"

　　"The man standing by the window is really strange," said a lady. "When you werent here yet, he was all looking at me, but now hes not even looking at me."

　　"他是我的丈夫。"另一位太太答道。

　　"He is my husband," the other wife replied.

　　英语小笑话 30

　　同行何必为难同行

　　Why make it difficult for colleagues to travel together

　　接一个电话说是我领导，要我打5万块钱救急。我说，马上打钱！睡一觉后，又来电话了，问怎么还没打钱。

　　I answered a phone call and said it was my leader who asked me to make a 50000 yuan emergency payment. I said, get the money now! After sleeping for a while, I called again and asked why I havent made any money yet.

　　我说急着出来，忘带钱了，只带了两张卡，有钱的那张消磁了，另一张卡没钱。重新办卡要五百块钱，你给我先打五百块重办卡行不？

　　I said I was in a hurry to come out and forgot to bring money. I only brought two cards, the one with money was demagnetized, and the other card had no money. It will cost five hundred yuan to apply for a new card. Can you give me five hundred yuan to apply for a new card first?

　　他听了沉默很久，最后说，咱同行何必为难同行啊。

　　He remained silent for a long time before finally saying, why bother traveling with us.

　　英语小笑话 31

　　红烧牛肉

　　Braised Beef in Brown Sauce

　　中午，老婆跟我说："儿子不在家，咱俩吃红烧牛肉吧。"

　　At noon, my wife said to me, "My son is not at home, lets have braised beef together."

　　我说："行呀。"

　　I said, "Okay."

　　一会儿，老婆就端着两碗面从厨房出来："方便面泡好了，红烧牛肉味儿的。"

　　After a while, my wife came out of the kitchen with two bowls of noodles and said, "The instant noodles are ready, they taste like braised beef."

　　英语小笑话 32

　　支持打麻将

　　Support playing mahjong

　　老婆，我听见隔壁家又在打麻将呢！

　　Wife, I heard the neighbor playing mahjong again!

　　她们上次把你赢得那么惨，想不想捞回来？

　　They won you so badly last time, do you want to salvage it?

　　给你零钱，好好打，等你好消息啊！

　　Heres some change for you, give it well, wait for good news!

　　大爷，我瞬间被你萌到了

　　Grandpa, I was instantly adorable by you

　　单位有个快六十就要退休的叔，是个鬼，经常看他躲在洗手间当老烟枪。

　　There is an uncle in the workplace who is about to retire in his sixties. He is a ghost and often watches him hide in the bathroom as a smoker.

　　但聚会的时候，一看到他老伴过去，他立刻掐烟。

　　But at the party, as soon as he saw his spouse passing by, he immediately lit his cigarette.

　　问他是不是怕老婆，答："我从来不在喜欢的`女生面前抽烟。"

　　Ask him if he is afraid of his wife and answer, "I never smoke in front of girls I like."

　　英语小笑话 33

　　妈妈不想做饭，非要陪儿子做做业，谁料儿子竟然非要爸爸陪。

　　Mom doesnt want to cook and insists on accompanying her son in his work. Unexpectedly, his son insists on his father to accompany him.

　　妈妈不悦道：“怎么，妈妈没爸爸辅导的好吗？”

　　Mom said displeased, "Why, isnt it okay for Mom not to have Dad tutoring?"

　　儿子摇摇头道：“爸爸脸上雀斑多，可帮着做算术题。”

　　My son shook his head and said, "Dad has a lot of freckles on his face. Can you help me with math problems?"

　　英语小笑话 34

　　爸爸：“儿子，爸爸升官了，我们要搬家到另外一个城市生活了。”

　　Dad: "Son, Dad has been promoted and we are moving to another city to live."

　　儿子满脸不悦，小嘴噘的老高。

　　My sons face was full of displeasure, and he pouted high.

　　爸爸：“怎么，不舍得这里吗？”

　　Dad: "Why, arent you willing to come here?"

　　儿子：“爸爸，我也要升官了，上周我被提名当班长，这事马上就要批下来啦！”

　　Son: "Dad, Im also going to be promoted. Last week, I was nominated as class monitor, and this matter is about to be approved!"

　　英语小笑话 35

　　一次，牧师布道仅用了十多分钟，还不到平时的一半。牧师解释说：“非常遗憾，我家的那一只狗喜欢吃纸。今天正好把我要讲的那一节书给吃掉了。所以，今天我只能讲这么多了。”

　　Once, the pastor preached for only over ten minutes, less than half of his usual time. The pastor explained, "Unfortunately, my dog at home likes to eat paper. It happened to have eaten the book I was going to talk about today. So, thats all I can say today."

　　大家纷纷起身离开了教堂。可有一个小朋友没有走，他满脸欣喜地跑上讲坛，拉住牧师的.手，说道：“牧师，如果您的小狗下狗崽的话，我想要一只。我要把它送给我们的老师。”

　　Everyone stood up and left the church. But there was a child who didnt leave. He ran up to the podium with a happy face, grabbed the priests hand, and said, "Pastor, if your little dog has a puppy, I want one. I want to give it to our teacher."

　　英语小笑话 36

　　4岁的.孩子，他对整个世界都充满了好奇。有一次，他爷爷把自己的假牙拿出来冲洗，他就开始对他爷爷的假牙充满了好奇。看到那些牙拿下来刷过后再安上去，他简直惊呆了，就要求再来一遍。俯首帖耳的爷爷为孙子表演了几遍以后，问道：“行了吗？”

　　A 4-year-old child is full of curiosity about the whole world. Once, his grandfather took out his dentures to rinse, and he became curious about his grandfathers dentures. Seeing those teeth removed and brushed before being installed, he was stunned and requested to do it again. After bowing down and performing several times for his grandson, the grandfather asked, "Is that okay?"

　　孩子的眼睛转了一会儿，说道：“把鼻子也拿下来。”

　　The childs eyes turned for a moment and said, "Take off your nose too."

　　英语小笑话 37

　　一男孩下学回家，兴奋地告诉妈妈，他在学校剧里扮演了一个角色。

　　A boy came home from school and excitedly told his mother that he had played a role in the school drama.

　　妈妈非常高兴：“太棒了，孩子！你扮演的是什么角色？”男孩回答：“我在剧中扮演一个丈夫！”妈妈的'脸色马上阴沉下来，沉重地说道：“孩子，告诉你们老师，你要演一个有台词的角色！”

　　Mom was very happy and said, "Great, child! What role are you playing?" The boy replied, "Im playing a husband in the play!" Moms face immediately darkened and she said heavily, "Child, tell your teacher that youre going to play a role with lines!"

　　英语小笑话 38

　　妈妈带五岁的儿子坐公交车，太阳很毒，其他位置都有人了，妈妈就找了个靠窗户的座位坐下，刚做下，儿子说："妈妈，我们换换位吧?"

　　Mom took her five-year-old son on the bus. The sun was very scorching, and everyone else was occupied. So, Mom found a seat by the window and sat down. As soon as she finished, her son said, "Mom, lets switch seats."

　　"为什么啊?"

　　"Why?"

　　"我晒黑了不碍事，你晒黑了还得掏钱美容！"

　　"Its okay if I get tanned, but if you get tanned, youll have to pay for a beauty treatment!"

【篇一】英语爆笑笑话小短文带翻译

　　只剩一个引擎

　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker:"Attention，passengers. We have lost one of our engines，but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately， we will arrive an hour late as a result. "

　　一架747客机正跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意，我们四个引擎之中有一个丢失了。但利下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。不幸的是因此我们书晚到一小时。”

　　Shortly thereafter，the passengers heard the captain's voice again:"Guess what，folks. We just lost our third engine，but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late. "

　　过了一会儿，旅客们又听到了机长的声音:“各位，你们猜怎么啦?”我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了，有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。”

　　At this point，one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake,"he shouted，"If we lose another engine，we'll be up here all night !"

　　正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的扮止，如果我们再掉一个引拿，我们会整夜都呆在天上了。”

【篇二】英语爆笑笑话小短文带翻译

　　磕睡之人

　　The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon. As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon.

　　收师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时睡觉。一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人打瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好地教育他不要睡觉。

　　In a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise，" Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering" Be seated"，the minister shouted at the top of his voice，"All those who want to be with the devil，please rise. "

　　他低声地对教徒们说:“想去天堂的人都站起来。”除打瞌睡的人外，每个人都站了起来。牧师说过请坐之后，高声喊道:“下地狱的请站起来!”

　　Awaking with a start，the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit,”Well，sir," he said.,"I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

　　打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声所惊醒，站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气地望着他。他说:“先生，我不知我们在选什么，但看上去你和我是的侯选人。”

【篇三】英语爆笑笑话小短文带翻译

　　聪明的鸟

　　When the burglar broke into a seemingly empty room one night, a voice suddenly shattered the silence ;"I see you,and the saint sees you. "

　　一位窃贼一天夜里闯进一个好像没有人的空房子。突然寂静中传来一声:“我看见你了，圣人也看见你了。”

　　The shaken thief took another tentative step.“I see you，”the voice said again:“and the saint sees you.“With that，the burglar shined his flashlight in the direction that the voice was coming from. There，in the circle of light，sat a parrot.

　　这位惊恐不安的贼又试图再走一步，那个声音又说:“我看见你了，圣人也看见你了。”听到声音，窃绒用手电照着声音所传来的方向。在那边儿，一束灯光下坐着一只鹦鹉。

　　"Dumb bird,!'the burglar uttered in relief.

　　“该死的鸟，”窃贼像松了口气似地骂着。

　　"I see you，”the parrot repeated,”and the saint sees you. "

　　“我看见你了。”鹦鹉重复地叨唠着:“圣人也看见你了。”

　　"Shut up，“the man snarled as he turned on a lamp， that's when he saw the menacing Doberman Pinscher sitting beside the parrot's perch，staring at him with glittering eyes.

　　“闭嘴，”窃贼边开灯，边喊叫着。这时他发现一条眼光咄咄逼人的构坐在鹦鹉旁。

　　" Sic' em，Saint,"squawked the parrot.

　　鹦鹉尖叫着:“圣人，扑呀!扑呀!”